FUN STUFF
We offer some pages just for fun...a few pages of jokes for some smiles and laughs, religious humor, some inspirational items and photographs, an amazing image See The Vision®, funny state slogans, funny and amazing photos, and other things as we come across them. Browse around and enjoy - and remember! You can have just about anything printed on an auto tag, key chain, magnet or have a sign made!
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A woman brought a very limp
parrot into a veterinary surgery. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet
pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or
two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but Polly has
passed away".
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean, you
haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or
something."
The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room
only to return a few moments later with beautiful black Labrador. As the bird's
owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws
on the examination table and sniffed the dead parrot from top to bottom. He then
looked at the vet, shook his head and barked. The vet petted the dog, took it
out and returned in a few moments with a cat, which jumped up and also sniffed
the bird on the table. The cat sat back, shook its head and meowed. It then
jumped off the table and ran out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry; but
like I said, your parrot is dead." He then turned to his computer terminal,
hit a few keys, produced a bill and handed it to the woman.
Still puzzled, the parrot's owner took the bill and looked at
it. "$150!" she cried. "Just to tell me my bird is dead?!
That's ridiculous!"
The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it the
bill would only have been $20, but... what with the Lab Report and the Cat
Scan..."
~~~~~~~~~~
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of
death,
I will fear no evil." Psalm 23
~~~~~~~~~~
Winning Ticket
A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a
'peel and win' sticker on her coffee cup. So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motor home!
I've won a motor home!"
The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free
lunch."
But the blonde keeps screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won
a motor home!
"Finally the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You
couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we didn't have that as a prize!"
The blonde says, "No it's not a mistake. I've won a motor home!" And she
hands the ticket to the manager and he reads...
(You're going to love this!)
............."WIN A BAGEL"
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Tater People
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Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are just content to watch while others do the work. They are called "Speck Taters."
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Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work. They are called "Comment Taters."
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Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what to do, but don't want to soil their own hands. They are called "Dick Taters."
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Some people are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agree with them. It is too hot or too cold, too sour or too sweet. They are called "Agie Taters."
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There are those who say they will help, but somehow just never get around to actually doing the promised help. They are called "Hezzie Taters."
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Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone they are not. They are called "Emma Taters."
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Then there are those who love others and do what they say they will. They are always prepared to stop whatever they are doing and lend a helping hand. They bring real sunshine into the lives of others. They are called "Sweet Taters."
Are you a Sweet Tater?
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How's this for freaky?!?
Do the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow. It doesn't even take a minute! Are you the 2% or 98% of the population? Follow the instructions! No peeking! There's no trick or surprise. Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can!
Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them ... really.
Now, scroll down (but not too fast, you might miss something).
Think of a number from 1 to 10
Multiply that number by 9
If the number is a 2-digit number, add the digits together.
Now subtract 5
Determine which letter in the alphabet corresponds to the number you ended up with (example: 1=a, 2=b, 3=c, etc.)
Think of a country that starts with that letter.
Remember the last letter of the name of that country.
Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter.
Remember the last letter in the name of that animal.
Think of the name of a fruit that starts with that letter.
Are you thinking of a Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange?
I told you this was FREAKY!! If not, you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with kangaroos in Denmark when given this exercise. Freaky, huh?
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The Texans
On a plane, headed for Dallas-Fort Worth, two
boisterous Texans are sitting in the aisle and window seats, with an old Jewish man
between them.
The first Texan says, "My name is Roger. I own 250,000 acres.
I have 1000 head of cattle and they call my place "The Jolly Roger."
The second Texan says, "Well, you can call me John. I own 2 million
acres, with 5000 head of cattle. Folks call my place Big Johns."
They both look expectantly at the old Jewish man who finally offers,
"My name is Irving Mendelbaum, and I own, I tink, 500 acres. Maybe a little less."
Roger looks down at him and says, "500 Acres? What can you raise on 500 acres?"
"Feh! I don't raise notink", replies Irving.
"Well, then, what do you call it?" asked John.
"Oy, what should I call it?" replies Irving. "I guess, Downtown Dallas".
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The Perks of Being Over 40...
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Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
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Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
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Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
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People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
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People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
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There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
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Things you buy now won't wear out.
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You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
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You can live without sex but not without glasses.
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You enjoy hearing about other peoples' operations.
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You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
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You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
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You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
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You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
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You sing along with elevator music.
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Your eyes won't get much worse.
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Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
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Comments Made in the Year 1957:
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"I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20."
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"Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $5000 will only buy a used one."
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"If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous.."
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"Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?"
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"If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store."
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"When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage."
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"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls."
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"I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more.. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying 'damn' in 'Gone With The Wind,' it seems every new movie has either "hell" or "damn" in it.
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"I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas."
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"Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the president."
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"I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."
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"It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet."
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"It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work."
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"Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more; those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."
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"I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business."
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"Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to congress."
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"The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on."
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"There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel."
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"No one can afford to be sick any more; $35 a day in the hospital is too rich for my blood."
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"If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it."
~~~~~~~~~~
The Over 50's
This came from Canada
We were born before television, before
penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, plastic, contact lenses, Frisbees and the pill. We
were born before radar, credit cards, split atoms, laser beams, and ball-point pens; before
dishwashers, tumble dryers, electric blankets, air conditioners, drip dry
clothes.
We got married first and then lived together. We thought "fast food" was what you ate in
Lent, a "Big Mac" was an oversized raincoat, and "crumpet" was what you had for tea. We existed
before house husbands, computer dating, dual careers, when a "meaningful relationship" meant
getting along with your cousins, and "sheltered accommodation" was where you waited for the bus. We
had never heard of FM radio, tape decks, word processors, yogurt, pizzas, or young men wearing
earrings. For us a "chip" was piece of wood or a fried potato, "hardware" meant nuts and bolts and
"software" wasn't a word. The term "making out" referred to how you did in exams, "stud" was
something that fastened your clothes and "going all the way" meant staying on the double-decker bus to
the depot.
In our day, cigarette smoking was fashionable, "grass" was mown, "coke" was kept in
the coal shed, and a "joint" was the piece of meat you ate on Sundays. "Rock music" was a lullaby and a
"gay person" was the life and soul of the party.
No wonder we are so confused. And how old are we?
Just hitting 60!
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